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Crazy Lady

Off duty, I had gone home, took my gun and threw it on the kitchen table, something I never do. I changed my clothes, put on jeans and sweatshirt to go walk my dog. I was going to leave the gun, but on second thought I just got it an threw it in my pants as I went out the door.

I went into the park. It’s one o’clock in the morning by now. A guy was passing in the street on a bicycle. He sees me. He just kept going back and forth in front of the park I think, I’m going to have a problem with this guy. I call my dog and put her on the leash. We’re walking out the only entrance to the park.

Now we’re on the city street, he on one side of a car, me on the other, right under a light. His back is to me, he’s still motoring on his bike. He sticks his hand in his pants. I think, he’s got a gun. When he turns around, he didn’t have a gun. He had his penis in his hand and he was masturbating. I got so mad. I wasn’t frightened. What if it was my niece walking the dog, or it was someone’s daughter? A housewife? Someone’s who’d be frightened. I remember when I was a young girl and that happened to me I was terribly frightened.

Now I knew what he had in his hand. I pulled out my gun. And he knew what I had in my hand. I stuck it straight out, and said to him, “I’ll put a bullet in your eff’ing head.”

And pssh, he had an instant crash. And he said to me–which struck me very strange–”what are you, crazy, lady?” And he drove off, thinking I was crazy.

Lights Out

In one of the more bizarre incidents of my entire career, I’m interviewing a dangerous character named Joker Mendoza. This is at Chino State Prison in their secure housing unit, which holds their toughest inmates.

This guy has committed at least a half dozen murders on behalf of Nuestra Familia. He’s in for murder. He might be willing to flip, to turn state’s evidence. He’s already locked down because he’s in a jam with the rank and file members of the Nuestra Familia, a very violent gang. His brother, gangster Mendoza, had contract to murder me because of my involvement in this federal investigation. My son had already been followed home from school in Fresno area.

Joker, an unusually large Hispanic of about six feet, is a weightlifter. He’s got a denim shirt on, which he’s torn the sleeves off like a tank top, denim pants torn off ragged-edged, flip flops, tattoos all over, a very tough looking character.

Entering with me is an officer from the Department of Corrections internal gang unit.

As we introduce ourselves, Joker turns to me and says, “I’ve heard of you. I’ll talk to you. But I won’t talk with this motherfucker in here.”

The guys turns to me and says, “It’s up to you, Byron.”

“If you don’t mind, I’ll talk to him by myself.”

The guy says okay, excuses himself and walks out, leaving joker and myself in this very isolated room at the end of a hallway with the door locked from the outside. About ten minutes into the conversation there is a power failure. The lights go out and we’re plunged into total darkness. Dead silence follows.

It seems like hours go by, but it’s probably thirty seconds. For some reason I start laughing. And then in the darkness, he starts laughing . At one point I hear his chair shuffle.

He says, “You know, you’re in deep shit.”

In the darkness I say, “well, you don’t know what’s pointed at you right now.” We’re in a standoff. Then we both laugh again.

I say, “I guess we’re both in deep shit.”

He says, “Yeah.” And we start talking.

In about forty five seconds, which seems like hours, I see rays of light, and hear guards running down the hall, anticipating a scene of total carnage, that joker has ripped me physically limb from limb. They crash through the door, light us both up with the flashlights, and we’re laughing. I’m kicked back with my feet on the table, and joker’s over in another corner with his feet up.

These guys are befuddled. The lights come back on. Joker tells them to get the fuck out of there.

I have no idea of why I started laughing. I guess to him that was a sign of bravado. You revert to some basic instincts, like smell and taste. You almost become a predator.


More from Joseph JK . . .