Which story is better?
“You talk about scary. It wasn’t the time for me to put people down. But that’s my act.”
“A drunk guy–really drunk–makes his way up though the audience . He’s yelling from the back as he’s walking up. And I’m saying stuff back to him, which is pissing him off. The audience is loving it. The stuff I’m saying is about the size of his dick, among other things. I’m playing to the audience, saying the things I think will insult him enough that he’ll go, ‘OK, you win.’ that’s really what they want, to be put in their place. “
The drunk approaches the stage and shouts, “I’M A MARINE! I’M A MARINE!”
“That’s the last thing I want. I’m not a Marine, but if I had had a gun at that moment, I would have taken it out and used it.”
The drunken Marine moves toward the comedian.
Suddenly a man in the audience rises.
“He was a little guy, and I mean a foot shorter than this guy. But he bars the way, stops this guy. I was amazed. And he stopped him without throwing a punch. It was David and Goliath. Unbelievable! The guy takes a swing at him, but this little guy just kind of ducked, and started propelling the drunk out of the room.”
Afterwards the comedian bought his defender a drink, gave him a hug, and praised him to the audience.
“They gave him a standing ovation, this little guy. He was a master sergeant, so he was probably just very clear that he could handle this situation. He handled it. I couldn’t believe it.”
We were called to a barricaded subject who’s either very drunk or hallucinating. He’s doing some odd things. Slashing himself and spraying blood all over his girlfriend’s house. We’re in the kitchen of the neighbor’s house, negotiating with this guy over the phone.
The tactical lieutenant said to us, “Our guys need to see him. Tell him to turn all the lights on.”
We tell him, “We need you to do us a favor, Bob.”
The guy turns them all off, and comes back on the line, proud as a peacock, “OK, I turned them off.”
“No Bob. We need them on. Turn all the lights on.”
“Oh, sorry.” He drops the phone and goes through the house turning the lights on. He’s compliant, but confused, like a little kid.
We can’t see because there’s a fence there, but Tactical radios us, “OK, they’re on.”
Now, without consulting anybody, the negotiator says just like this, “No, Bob. I wanted a Bud Lite.” We just all burst out laughing and laughing.
Then he starts laughing.
Now while he’s laughing the tactical guys just go in and take him out. To this day the negotiator doesn’t know why he said that. It just popped into his head. You had to be there.