Which story is better?
As a district attorney I was babysitting a death penalty murder case for a while. A high-powered guy–that’s a dangerous criminal brought in as a witness–came in to say some BS testimony. He’s in handcuffs.
When he got off the witness stand he goes, hauls off and slugs the baliff, cold-cocks him, knocks him about ten feet in the air, knocks his tooth out. This high-powered guy has no control.
The defendant is sitting at the other end of counsel table while this is all going on, saying to me, “I’m going to kill you.” That I took seriously. It was very cold, and left me fearful, in a state of disbelief. This guy is a cold-blooded killer.
The irony is he’s free and living with the attorneys in their house. They’re writing books together.
Sure enough, one night somebody said to me, “Richie, there’s a guy out there with a tape recorder.” A well-dressed man with a beautiful woman.
At the end of the show I said to the guy, “You have a tape recorder. You taping this a part of the show?”
He said, yes. I said, “Well, why don’t you listen? I’m going to make it nice and easy. Take the tape out. You hand it to me.You go home. Nobody gets hurt. OK?”
He said, “I’m not going to do that.”
I said, “Let me tell you what’s going to happen. Before you leave here, I will have the tape in my pocket. That’s the bottom line. There’s nothing you can say or do that going to change that.”
“You tell him, Richie!” My comic friends all behind me.
He goes, “That’s not going to happen.”
I said, “I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your nice lady here. I have six comic friends behind me.”
He goes, “What are you going to do? Rough me up?”
I said, “No, they’re not going to do anything. I’m going to get the tape. I’m going to ask you one more time, and then it’s going to get hell. I don’t want to use bad language. You’ve got a nice lady here. You better give me the fucking tape, or I’ll…”
He said, “No!”
“Oh,yeah!” I hit the guy, pop him. I wrestled him down to the ground, I’m grabbing his tape recorder.
He goes, “Gimme that tape!”
I go, “You’re not getting it!”
He goes, “I’m a psychiatrist! One of your comedians is my patient!”
I get up and go, “Aw, I’m really sorry.”
Actually, he pushed me first and I pushed him back and then I punched him. That was the last physical confrontation for me.